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1. Personal Train-ah

Wouldn’t you like to have Arnold Schwarzenegger as your personal trainer? You can with this version of the WIP t-shirt. As soon as your repetitions start slowing down, Arnold pipes up with garbled words of encouragement. With “Pump it…now!” and “You can doooit” ringing in your ears, vein twisted biceps and bouncing pectoral party tricks are just a few months away!

2. Lose xTra w!eght now!

Another way to help you get in shape, this t-shirt lectures the wearer on the benefits of eating less. As soon as the fork-to-mouth motion exceeds preset limits, Richard Simmons whines his way to your health! This same technique could also help alcoholics start on their road to recovery by blasting a vomiting sound into their ears. This could be the new ‘Step 1.’ Dudley Moore’s horrible drunk from “Aurthur” would naturally augment the audio.

3. Dog t-shirt fun

Does your dog have a barking problem? Give Fido a taste of his own foul-breathed outbursts with a t-shirt that barks back. Either your dog will tire from barking at itself for hours or submit to the dominant and relentless ‘will-always-get-the-last-bark-in’ t-shirt. All this barking will surely drive your neighbors batty, but what the heck - they stole the bucket of Halloween candy from your doorstep!

4. Pee-Wee Performance-Art Theater

Oh the soundtrack Pee-Wee could create watching one of his favorite porns while wearing a sensor-embedded t-shirt. The standard “Boom chica-boom” would of course be re-composed by the movements from the t-shirt. The t-shirts could be handed out to all audience members so everyone could participate in the most perverted way they choose. Bong chick-a-bong chick-a-bong chick-a-bong chick-a-bong Chick-A-Bong Chick-A-Bong Chick-a-Bong CHICKABONG CHICKABONG CHICKA CHICAAH CHCHCHCHCICHCHICHIC…A-BONG!!!!

5. Defend Us!

The Department of Homeland Security could be tasked with spotting new and obnoxious dance trends by hiding sensors in all shirts worn by the population of the world. As soon as a horrible trend begins, a few guided ’smart missiles’ would blow the next Macarena to smithereens before it taints every baseball event and SportsCenter highlight in the following months.

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Men:

Women:

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Zach Braff of Scrubs fame can be seen modeling a Threadless overly-cute t-shirt. While the design itself is well executed, for me it falls into the “nice design but I wouldn’t wear it” category that typifies most of the t-shirts on Threadless.

Editor’s note: That’s Threadless’ image that has the title cut off…silly them!

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See this Adfreak post for more information on Wal-mart’s blunders.

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