Real-world applications for that air-guitar t-shirt thing
November 24th, 2006Surely by now you’ve all seen the sensor-embedded t-shirt Wearable Instrument Shirt (video) that allows its wearer to play air guitar when hooked up to a computer. WIS is an interesting technology that has limitless uses in the real world. Below I’ve listed what should be the first five real world applications. Some are for fun, some promote the arts, some will make money and be sold on TV and one will one day save the world.
1. Personal Train-ah
Wouldn’t you like to have Arnold Schwarzenegger as your personal trainer? You can with this version of the WIP t-shirt. As soon as your repetitions start slowing down, Arnold pipes up with garbled words of encouragement. With “Pump it…now!” and “You can doooit” ringing in your ears, vein twisted biceps and bouncing pectoral party tricks are just a few months away!
2. Lose xTra w!eght now!
Another way to help you get in shape, this t-shirt lectures the wearer on the benefits of eating less. As soon as the fork-to-mouth motion exceeds preset limits, Richard Simmons whines his way to your health! This same technique could also help alcoholics start on their road to recovery by blasting a vomiting sound into their ears. This could be the new ‘Step 1.’ Dudley Moore’s horrible drunk from “Aurthur” would naturally augment the audio.
3. Dog t-shirt fun
Does your dog have a barking problem? Give Fido a taste of his own foul-breathed outbursts with a t-shirt that barks back. Either your dog will tire from barking at itself for hours or submit to the dominant and relentless ‘will-always-get-the-last-bark-in’ t-shirt. All this barking will surely drive your neighbors batty, but what the heck - they stole the bucket of Halloween candy from your doorstep!
4. Pee-Wee Performance-Art Theater
Oh the soundtrack Pee-Wee could create watching one of his favorite porns while wearing a sensor-embedded t-shirt. The standard “Boom chica-boom” would of course be re-composed by the movements from the t-shirt. The t-shirts could be handed out to all audience members so everyone could participate in the most perverted way they choose. Bong chick-a-bong chick-a-bong chick-a-bong chick-a-bong Chick-A-Bong Chick-A-Bong Chick-a-Bong CHICKABONG CHICKABONG CHICKA CHICAAH CHCHCHCHCICHCHICHIC…A-BONG!!!!
5. Defend Us!
The Department of Homeland Security could be tasked with spotting new and obnoxious dance trends by hiding sensors in all shirts worn by the population of the world. As soon as a horrible trend begins, a few guided ’smart missiles’ would blow the next Macarena to smithereens before it taints every baseball event and SportsCenter highlight in the following months.
